A Gift at the Funeral

Story by Tamara D.

I had a family event to attend and I was nervous. It was my uncle's funeral. I was sad he had passed and I was also scared to attend the celebration of his life. My father would be there. I had not been in touch with my dad for an entire year, for very good reasons, and I was afraid of seeing him.

I realized my husband could not join me on the day of the funeral because he would be out of town for work. A panic swept over me. How would I survive the experience alone? My dad really triggered me.

Instead of giving up on attending, I walked out on the lawn barefoot, put my hand on my heart and tried to take calming breaths. Soon, a thought arrived. "I'll ask my sister-in-law to come with me."

I called her right away. She agreed to come, cleared her calendar, and made me feel so much calmer.

The day of the event, I sat in the pew, away from my immediate family. Everything about the experience felt uncomfortable. I sat in my seat with my printed program in my hand.

I had recently completed a thorough, deep-clean of my home where I had removed as much "clutter" as I could from my family's life. I wasn't "holding on" to things the way I used to. Weirdly, I had the program in my hand and, despite my thought that I could leave it in the pew or throw it away on my way out, I felt a need to hold on to it. I had a strong instinct to to tuck it into my purse. So, at the end of the ceremony, I did that and started to walk to the back of the church.

As I moved toward the lobby, I felt so worried I would run into my father, who was standing by one of the exit doors. Fortunately, I saw someone I really wanted to see, my cousin who had just lost her dad. We hadn't connected in many years. I put my hand on her back, gave her a hug, and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do right now for you to help out?"

She said, "I just wish I had a program. I've looked and I can't find one anywhere."

I reached into my purse, pulled out the program I'd felt inspired to keep, and handed it to her saying, "Here. Have this one." She was so grateful and hugged me with tears in her eyes. I hugged her goodbye and managed to leave without interacting with my father.

As I left the event, It felt so magical that I held on to the program that my cousin needed to feel calm and better in that moment. I managed to listen to my inner voice even when so much was going on around me. I feel I'm learning to listen to the still voice within me no matter what's going on outside of me.

​